I have a secret to share with you about mistakes.

It’s not the kind of secret you’ll find wrapped in a bow or locked in a vault. It’s the kind you discover slowly, painfully, through life’s twists and turns, through what I now call “the learns.”

You see, there’s a wide range of mistakes—and an equally wide range of ways we experience them. Some sting for a second. Some ache for years. But what I’ve come to know is this: every single mistake holds the potential to create a more evolved, informed, and skillful version of ourselves.

Even the ones that hurt the most—especially those—can be transformed. You can build from the pain. You can create from the resistance. But only if you’re willing to look at your mistakes as learning opportunities.

Let me explain.

I Call Them “Learns”

Over the years, I’ve reframed the idea of mistakes into what I lovingly refer to as “learns.” And not all learns are created equal. There are levels to them.

Here are the ones I’ve experienced most often:

1. The Happy Learn

This is when a mistake turns into something better than what you originally intended. A delightful surprise.

Like the time I accidentally ordered a red bathing suit instead of my go-to black one. I almost returned it. But I wore it, and to my surprise—I loved it. I loved how it looked. I loved how it made me feel. It became my favorite.

That’s a happy learn.

2. The Pesky Learn

These are the mildly annoying, “ugh-I-should’ve-known-better” moments.

Like the time I left my favorite bathing suit at a beach club in Italy—my only one. And we weren’t going back. It was just gone. Frustrating. Wasteful. But not life-shattering.

That’s a pesky learn.

3. The Hard Learn

Ah yes, the hard ones. These are the learns that knock the wind out of you. The ones that linger. The ones you process slowly, deeply.

Here are a few of mine:

• Early in my business, a tutor didn’t show up. I got the call at the worst possible time—my kids were melting down around me. I felt helpless, unprofessional, and overwhelmed.
• I once spent thousands on a marketing initiative that did absolutely nothing. Another time, I locked myself into a long, expensive coaching contract that I knew in my gut wasn’t right—but I ignored the signs. I got swept up in a high-pressure sales cycle and paid the price.
• Most recently, I dove into a partnership with a client based on trust and good faith. I gave everything—my time, my expertise, my resources. And when we hit a rough patch? They ghosted. No payment. No explanation. Nothing. That one hurt deeply.

And the hardest part? The shame.

That voice that whispers, “You should’ve known better.”
“Why did you let yourself get taken advantage of—again?”
“You wasted your time, your money, your energy. What were you thinking?”

I call it the shame shackle—because it wraps around you, locks you down, and keeps you stuck in the moment of pain.

Here’s the Real Secret

I wish I could give you a linear formula: Think this, and you’ll feel better.
But our brains don’t work like that. Healing, learning, growing—it’s messy. It’s nonlinear. It’s human.

What I’ve learned is that awareness is the first step. When I become aware of the shame, I can begin to loosen its grip. I can reflect. I can get curious. I can take new actions.

And when I do this over and over—each time I make a mistake—something incredible happens:
The shame shows up less often. The recovery time gets shorter. The clarity comes sooner.

I remember when I was younger, I used to spiral in doubt. I’d worry about not knowing enough to teach a lesson, or not being ready to run a 5K, or not being fast enough to win a swim race. When I made a mistake, I’d sit in the shame for days, weeks.

Now? I still feel it. I’m human. But I don’t stay there. I move. I evolve.

Mistakes Don’t Have to Define You—They Can Refine You

This is the gift I want to give you today. A reframing.

Mistakes aren’t proof of failure.
They’re evidence of effort.
They’re lessons in disguise.
They’re learns.

And when we bring awareness to them—when we act with intention afterward—they become the building blocks of a wiser, more evolved version of ourselves.

I hope you let yourself make mistakes.
And more than that—I hope you learn from them.
Not in shame. But in power.

Because from every mistake, there’s a future waiting to be created.

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Here’s a template to help you process your latest “learn.”

What is the fact/circumstance of the mistake made?

What action did you take vs what action could you have taken?

What was the result of both actions? (the action you did take, the action you didn’t)

Look at the results and determine which way you’d like to go next time and what you can put into place to achieve your desired result.

 

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If you have a way of processing mistakes that you would like to share, please do so!